A couple are arguing over money. ‘Do you know,’ says the man. ‘If it weren’t for my money this house wouldn’t be here at all.’ ‘Yes,’ says his wife. ‘And if it weren’t for your money neither would I.’
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?" Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?' 'But I only have $8,' his friend replied. That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
We were so poor our mother would send us out with a shopping list to chase the garbage truck.
A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road. He stops. And he asks him: - Hey, What happens to you? - (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car. - Well, don't care and buy another car. - Look inside the car! - Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all. - Look inside her mouth!!!
What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over? Looking for low prices!
Once there was a magical mirror. When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever. One day three college girls went to the mirror. The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one." Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world. The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one." Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money. Then the blonde said " I think...*poof*" Then she suddenly dissapearred forever