Joke #3988

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before a crime, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after a crime, we call him a defence lawyer.
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter. A lawyer once the crap’s been kicked out of him.
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them.
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The boss speaking with the secretary: Who told you that, if I kissed you a couple of time, you have the right to laze all day long? My lawyer.
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Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!
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Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
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has 68.81 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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has 71.15 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, love, Valentines day
A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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has 31.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: death, kids, lawyer, medical, money
A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test. The engineer went in first and was asked, "What is 2+2?" The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, "4." Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, "4.0" Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, "What do you want it to be?"
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has 75.05 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, love, Valentines day
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer, work