Why did the lumberjack get nowhere with the internet? He kept logging on and off.
An engineer, a manager and a programmer are driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes fail and the car careens down the road until it hits a tree. They all get out and discuss how to fix the car. The manager says, ‘To fix this problem we need to organise a committee and develop a mission statement.’ The engineer says, ‘That would take too long. I have my penknife here. I’ll take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it.’ The programmer says, ‘No, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.’
Q: How many Apple Iphone 6 early adopters does it take to change a light bulb? A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
Q:Why did the computer lose its trust relationship with the domain? A:Because it was corrupted in active directory and needed to be removed and re-added again!
Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.
If you type Chuck Norris into Microsoft Word, the little paper-clip just hangs himself.
99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code, 1 bug fixed... Compile again, 100 little bugs in the code.
Linux is like wigwam: no Gates, no Windows and Apache inside.
A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Chuck Norris invented the internet so that he could reach his enemies, preferably ninjas.