My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.
What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream? Aston Vanilla.
Chuck Norris can break his opponents serve with an ace.
Where's the safest place to be when a bunch of white guys are playing basketball? Under the Hoop
Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans. One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven. Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost. A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see you...so tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?". "Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya. First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!". "Thank God!" Joe shouts... "What is the bad news?!". "You're pitching tomorrow."
I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"
Why are football stadiums always cool? "Because they're full of fans."
Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner.
Why can't girls play hockey? Because their pads can't last three periods.