Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
Chuck Norris can travel back in time into the future.
Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't need money he gets everything for free.
Santa Clause doesn't watch you sleep but Chuck Norris does.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
Chuck norris can control chaos.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Every bone inside Chuck Norris is his funny bone, cause he laughs wherever you hit him.