A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Q.How do you catch a polar bear? A.You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea,you kick it in the ice hole.
Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual? No, only medium rare.
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?
Sharks are not living on the sea because they can't breath on continent. They live on a sea, because Chuck Norris doesn't.
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
Q:Where do you find giant snails? A:On the ends of their fingers.
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.