Men, don’t buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms; buy an ordinary one and slip in a handful of frozen peas.
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Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer.
That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her arse.
how come blondes don't wear tampons?
so their crabs don't go bungie jumping.
Q: Why is a girls pussy like an ocean?
A: It's really wet and has a Sperm Whale in it.
Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.
Vote:
Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.
"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"
"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.
"I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it,"said Bush.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.
"Yes?"
"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.
"No problem," replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.
George hung up and called the President of a condom company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."
"Consider it done," said the president of the condom company.
"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President, "print 'Made in America, size small' on each one!"
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because he was stuck in the chicken.
Q. What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A. The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
A little boy asked his mother:
Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes.
They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!