Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?
To be sure, to be sure.
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It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Q: How do you make four old ladies say "FUCK!"?
A: Get a fifth one to yell "BINGO!"
I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?
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Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?
A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins!
A very old man went to a church, making this confession:
- Father, I am 78 years old, I have been married for 40 years.
All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I had sex with an 21 year old woman.
- When was the last time you made a confession?
- I never have, I am Jewish.
- Then why are you telling it to me?
- I am telling it everybody ...
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives.
Sue said, "Mine's OK. We get it on every week, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?"
Sally replied, "It's great ever since we got into S&M."
Sue was surprised. "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you'd go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
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A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"That's okay," said the young man.
"We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.