When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!
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Father: "You've got 4 D's and a C on your report."
Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."
Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !"
Ramu: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about your mother?"
Ramu: "She's a woman".
Teacher: "Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions."
Pupil: "It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers."
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Yesterday, I failed my biology exam.
The question was: "Name something commonly found in cells."
Apparently, Niggers wasn't the right answer.
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One day a boy came home running while crying.
His mother asked what happened why are you crying?
The boy said`I got punished for something I did not do’.
His mother said ‘That’s horrible.
what did you not do’.
The boy in tears said`my homework’
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay:
"What is courage?"
He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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