He’s in debt up to his eyes. The only thing he’s paid for is his hat.
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."
Last year I told the kids there was no Father Christmas, this year I’m telling the wife.
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill.
Your so poor, I stepped in your house and stepped on a cigarette, and your mom said, "Who turned of the lights".
How to tell who is Jewish in your class, drop a penny and see who gets their first.
My grandfather came from a very poor family. The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over? Looking for low prices!
If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
Jesus saves. But wouldn’t it have been better if he had invested?