How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
How do you know when your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex? A: They have cotton balls.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"
A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks. Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs. Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began. After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, "I have a problem. It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favour." Heidi replied, "Okay," to which he asked, "Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?" Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged. The guy then asked, "Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?" Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her. Then the guy said, "Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man." Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes. Finally, the guy said to Heidi, "Do you mind if I call you Phil?" Heidi had now become very dejected, and said "No, I guess not, you can call me Phil." So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted "Phil, you'll never believe who I'm fucking!"
My wife is so kinky, when she was born, the doctor slapped her bottom to make her cry, and she said "Don't forget to pull my hair" I accidentally swallowed some WhiteOut last night. Woke up with a massive correction.