If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you. Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.
According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
Armageddon is defined as the day Chuck Norris gets bored with us.
Chuck Norris once kicked Hulk in the face, so Hulk ran into the woods. He is now known as Shrek.
Chuck Norris can stick his hand inside a rabbit's mouth and pull out a HAT!
Chuck Norris never uses a navigation system. The direction he is heading is ALWAYS the right direction.
Ozzy Osbourne once snorted a line of ants. Chuck Norris once snorted a line of bricks.
Neil Armstrong was the first person to walk on the moon, Chuck Norris was the first person to walk on the sun.
Light just wishes it was a fast as one of Chuck's fists.
Chuck Norris's Blood Can't be matched...