Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight." Second cannibal: "What are you having?" First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
What's the good part of there being no blacks on the Jetsons? It means the future will be great!
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A dead puppy!
While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!
What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers. Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.