Joke #4404

Well, you know what they say: unlucky in love, get the clap.
Vote: has 44.74 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A guy is sitting in a bar; absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation. Finally, the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you will ply out of me with liquor." He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place." "Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked. "Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied.
Vote: has 73.48 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, money, sex, god
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Vote: has 89.87 % from 2765 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex: - You can GET chocolate. - Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft. - You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. - You can have chocolate in in public. - If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind. - The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. - You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. - No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate. - Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. - You can have chocolate at any time of the month. - You are never too young or too old for chocolate. - Size doesn't matter - though more is still better.
Vote: has 73.45 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, chocolate
Woman to doctor: ‘Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.’ Doctor: ‘And what are you taking for it?’ Woman: ‘Pepper.’
Vote: has 59.66 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A man goes to the doctor suffering from premature ejaculation. "Can you do anything to help me, Doc?" said the man. "No, but I can give you the address of a woman who has a short attention span" replied the doctor.
Vote: has 32.00 % from 115 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, doctor
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
Vote: has 78.77 % from 152 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, car, death, sex, gay
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
Vote: has 62.37 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas? A. Erection Sets.
Vote: has 36.20 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, hospital, sex, food
How do you know when your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
Vote: has 36.90 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, dad, sex