Joke #4427

A man wakes up after spending 20 years in a coma. One of the first things he does is ring his stockbroker. ‘Your assets have increased considerably,’ says the stockbroker. ‘The £20,000 you had invested with us is now worth £20 million.’ ‘That’s fantastic,’ says the man. Just then the phone starts bleeping and a recorded voice interrupts, ‘To continue this conversation please insert another £500,000.’
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Where to birds invest their money? In the stork market!
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, money, celebrity
Why’s a fat woman like a skateboard? They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"
Vote: has 12.61 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, redneck, time
He was so mean that when he found a pack of corn plasters he went out and bought a pair of tight shoes.
Vote: has 18.69 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register. "How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one. A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went. "Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, women, masturbation, money
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, management, stupid
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
Vote: has 87.40 % from 1870 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, stupid, money
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, husband, wife
A man walked into a lawyer's office. "How much does your advice cost?" he asked the lawyer. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "And what was your third question?"
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money