I’ve never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
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What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
It's ass.
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Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing.
I told you he was a bum steer.
What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher?
Ground round.
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup."
Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
What is the definition of "derange"?
De place where de cowboys ride.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
(A teddy boar!)
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
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