Our baby looks just like me.
But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.
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A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren.
When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies,
"Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.
“Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”
Johnny says, “Yeah!”
Vote:
Having past almost 30 years, the same question still bothers him…
Why he does not look alike his brothers and parents at all - every single one pretty and he so ugly.
He summoned all his courage and decided to ask his mother: "Mom, tell me the truth please, I am adapted, aren’t I?"
The mother burst into tears and said: "Yes, my child! But it didn’t work, they returned you back!"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy.
Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about",
Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch".
Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?"
Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having sex over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room".
The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch.
This gives Little Johnny a good idea.
Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed.
Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!"
His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig.
She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.
"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"
"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.
Surprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?
The blonde girlfriend replied all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!'
Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.