How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? When his hand caught fire.
My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.
‘I’m a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping Tom booing me.’ Rodney Dangerfield
‘I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said “No”.’ Woody Allen
Q:What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex? A:Honey I'm home.
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.
My sex life isn’t dead, but the buzzards are circling.
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
An apple, a banana and a penis got into an argument one day. The apple says sadly "I have the worst life ever. People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground." The banana says "You think thats bad? People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor." The penis laughs. "You guys have it easy. You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!"
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.