Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
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The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
Marraige is a 3-ring circus.
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common.
So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
Q: If Bigamy is having one wife too much, what is Monogamy?
A: The Same!
One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer.
His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted".
He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough."
His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?"
He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.
Vote:
Wife:"There's trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband:"Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife:"I tell you the cas has water in the carburetor."
Husband:"You don't even know what a carburetor is.I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
Wife:"In the pool."
"My wife suffers from a drinking problem."
"Oh is she an alcoholic?"
"No, I am, but she's the one who suffers."
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage.
He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’
‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’