Joke #4557

A woman applies for a job in a lemon grove. ‘Have you got any experience picking lemons?’ asks the foreman. ‘I certainly have,’ says the woman. ‘I’ve been married four times.’
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, ‘Martha, pack up your things! I just won the Lottery!’ Martha shouts back, ‘Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’ The man replies, ‘I don’t care, just as long as you’re out of the house by noon!’
Vote: has 89.51 % from 155 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?" "Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
Vote: has 51.39 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, phone, wife, fish
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, bar, marriage, single
A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car. ‘What’s up?’ says the driver. ‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman. ‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’
Vote: has 89.22 % from 196 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50.” The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, “Not yet. It’s his turn to use our teeth.”
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, food, marriage
My wife treats me like a God – every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
Vote: has 88.65 % from 132 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Vote: has 27.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers. The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes." The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
Vote: has 52.77 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, love, women
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
Vote: has 45.52 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, husband, food, animal
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
Vote: has 89.26 % from 230 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, marriage, wife, alcohol