‘Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.’
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
Why did the frog cross the road? Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
Why are rabbits never gold? How would you tell them apart from goldfish?
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Did you hear the joke about the skunk? Never mind, it stinks.