Joke #4578

Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking? ‘Eighty per cent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.’ Jackie Mason
Vote: has 62.88 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags and asks her where she's going. "To Las Vegas. I found out there are men who will pay me $400 to do what I do to you for free." The man started packing his bags. "Where are you going?" she asked. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you. I want to see how you'll live on $800 a year."
Vote: has 53.03 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Vote: has 30.11 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."
Vote: has 89.64 % from 384 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Vote: has 89.57 % from 436 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, women, men
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Vote: has 89.30 % from 242 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, birthday, wife
My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, marriage, women
A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car. ‘What’s up?’ says the driver. ‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman. ‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’
Vote: has 89.22 % from 196 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Vote: has 45.29 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, time, food, life
I never married because there was no need – I have three pets which serve the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
Vote: has 43.52 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Vote: has 70.05 % from 250 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage