What did the elephant say to the nude man?
‘It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?’
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A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"
Girlfriend texts back "Duh!"
So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries.
"Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk.
If you want it harder, you say tomato.
If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich."
So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!"
Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"
A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parents’ room, and he decided to investigate.
As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging for all they were worth.
“DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing?”
“It’s ok,” his father replied. “Your mother wants a baby, that’s all.”
The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face.
Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his
father.
“DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing now?”
“Son, there’s been a change of plan,” his father replied.
“Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW.”
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.
Vote:
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.
While making love, he says: Darling, let's do 68!
68???
What's that?
You do it to me and I'll owe you one.
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.
Vote:
How can you tell if your girlfriend’s frigid?
When you open her legs, the lights go on.
Q: Why is a girls pussy like an ocean?
A: It's really wet and has a Sperm Whale in it.