I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food? He wanted to raised stewed beef.
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
Why is there no gambling in Africa? -Too many Cheetahs!
Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water? A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina? A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.
What's the fastest way to send a rabbit? Haremail.
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”. The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”