Joke #4656

Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage. ‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her. ‘Then you should leave your husband.’ ‘I would,’ says Beryl. ‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’

Marriage is spending the rest of you life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you'd miss them.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore: marriage is an institution for the blind.

Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’

Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, ‘Martha, pack up your things! I just won the Lottery!’ Martha shouts back, ‘Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’ The man replies, ‘I don’t care, just as long as you’re out of the house by noon!’

I’ve been happily married for ten whole years. And ten out of thirty isn’t bad.

Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."

If you want to drive your wife crazy don’t talk in your sleep, just smile.

Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing. Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.