Our body cells renew while asleep.
If only our wallets could do the same.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Yo mama so poor I sat on the garbage can and she said get off from my roof.
Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump.
"Well, go in the bushes."
"What should I use to wipe my ass?"
"Use a dollar bill."
A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands.
"What happened?" asks his friend.
"I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
Vote:
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
No! Tell me about it.
It smells of $50 dollar bills.
Teen Girl to Friend: "For the prom, I'm renting a limo, spending $500 on a new dress and bringing in the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair."
Teacher who has overheard the conversation: "Wow, that's more than I spent for my wedding!"
Teen Girl: "Yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but a prom is a once in a lifetime experience."
A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around.
After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
"That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor.
"Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store.
As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him.
The further he walked, the more rats followed.
He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him.
So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned.
He returned to the store shortly.
"Ah-ha!" said the proprietor.
"You've come back for the story, right?"
"Nope," said the man.
"You have any brass lawyers?"
A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool.
In front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads:
"Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh.
COST $5"
So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom.
Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor.
So the guy takes the money and leaves.
The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says:
"You can win all of this if you make the horse cry.
COST $10"
So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom.
Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had.
So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?"
The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"
Why don't black people pay rent?
Because jail is free.
Vote:
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life.
Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason
For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars.
Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?"
"Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy.
"Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father.
"Yew should 'av bought yourself a rifle!"
"A rifle? What fer?"
"Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck.
"W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking.
"Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you turn them off?"