Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google.
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Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
A programmer had a problem.
He decided to use Java.
He now has a ProblemFactory.
Why did the Irishman give up internet shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.
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What is a cursor?
Someone having computer problems.
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"
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Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland?
A: Nerdic.
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I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A: Nope, they're the Real McCoy.
The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen".
Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
What does a network administrator say when he gets back to home from work ?
There’s no place like 127.0.0.1!
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