Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing.
Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman. Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !" Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.