I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work.
To my horror, it came back with –2,193,674 rows affected.
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What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous.
Vote:
A programmer had a problem.
He decided to use Java.
He now has a ProblemFactory.
An internet maniac boy asks his father:
Daddy, why do we have five fingers if the mouse has only two buttons?
Womens are like computer virus...
they ENTER your life...
SEARCH your pocket...
SHIFT your balance ...
CONTROL your life...
when you become an old version DELET you from the system
What do you get if you cross a computer and a policeman?
PC Plod.
Man: Hello, my computer is reporting a fatal error!
Customer Support: Well there's nothing we can do now, you should have called us when it was still critical!
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.
The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain.
They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane.
They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:
PASSWORD REJECTED.
NOT LONG ENOUGH!