I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
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A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."
She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."
What's the favourite flavour of sharks?
Shark-o-late.
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
A polo bear.
What's a rabbits favorite TV show?
Hoppy Days.
Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: Cheetah.
Why did the dolphin feel crabby?
Because he ate too many crabs.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?
A: The guy who gave it to him.
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Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover?
A: His ass!
Why did the rabbits go on strike?
They wanted a better celery.
A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off.
He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rectum.
As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's butt?"
The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips."
The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure.
The cowboy said, "Nope.
But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"