Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions." Texan: "Okay — where are you from, jackass?"
I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.
‘I’ve found the secret of eternal youth. I lie about my age.’ Bob Hope How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? One.
A large construction company sent a party in charge of finding workers all over the world in the very rural areas. They sucessfully obtained a dozen men and decided to fly them back to the construction site immidately. The men were very excited and could only speak of doin the job. Suddenly the piolot flying the plane encountered some difficulties and very safely landed the plane in the desert. Unknowingly to the men they thought they reached on the site, so they opened the door and all they could see was sand all around. Then one of the men shouted out in fear, "Let`s get the f**k out of here before the cement comes."
A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.
I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it! You never know when you might need a nail.
10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash.
Do you know what a plateau is? It's the highest form of flattery!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.