Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *walks away*
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An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language.”
“I’m surprised,” said the owner.
“I’ve never taught that bird to swear.”
“Oh, it isn’t that,” explained the professor.
“But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive.”
Mom: What did you do at school today?
Mark: We did a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam.
Mark: That’s right!
Father: "You've got 4 D's and a C on your report."
Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."
Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?
He wanted to be very clear!
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class?
Let’s start with you, Robert.”
Robert: “The artwork.”
Teacher: “Very good. And you, Peter?”
Peter: “Her tits!”
Teacher: “Peter, get out!
Go stand in the hall!
And you, Johnny?”
Johnny: “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”
One day, a young boy was asked by his teacher to tell him what the chemical formula for water was.
The boy replied with "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O".
The Teacher was stunned. "That's not right, how did you come up with that?"
The boy said, "Last week you said it was H2O!"
In clas: 1+1=2
Exam: John has four apples and gives one away. Calculate the mass of the sun.
Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!
A gentleman wanders around the campus of a school looking for the library.
He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?”
The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!”
The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, “I beg your pardon.
Please allow me to rephrase my question.
Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, idiot?”