Dad: Hey son want to hear a joke? Son: Yeah! Dad: Pussy. Son: I don't get it. Dad: Exactly...
How many men would it take to mop a floor? No one knows; they've never done it.
What is a man's idea of helping with housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
How do you know if your man is dead? The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
A man had a party where all the rich people attend. And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive. So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?" The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."
Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !" Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
Q: What would men do if they had breasts? A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?