A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" she replied, "There certainly is!
My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"
Why do men like masturbation?
It's sex with someone they love.
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot."
The husband responds, "Who is he?"
The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage."
"Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat".
The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as.
"I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.