Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
There once was a fellow from Kent Who had such a long instrument. To stay out of trouble He folded it double. And instead of coming he went.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.
Why does a penis have a hole at the end? So guys can be open-minded.
There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. The third remains silent. After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and says, "Well... what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" "Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees," he bragged and took another sip of beer. His friends were amazed! "What happened then?" they asked, almost in unison." "Well, then she said, "Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man!" he admitted.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?
Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama? A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man? A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.
A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!" A second man walks into the same bar. You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.