What does a man call true love? An erection.
3 guys walk into a bar The first guy says "I have got the smallest arm in? the world" The second guy "I have the smallest head in the world" The third guy "I have got the smallest d*ck in the world" The 3 guys go to the Guinness World Records. The first guy comes back and says "I really do have the smallest arm in the world" The second guy comes back and says "Amazing, I do have the smallest head in the world" The third guy comes back angry " Who the F*CK is JUSTIN BEIBER?
Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants a man to satisfy their every little need. A man wants all the women to satisfy their one and only little need.
Q: What is height of Stupidity? A: A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.