Joke #4857

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Vote: has 79.16 % from 116 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
Vote: has 75.59 % from 122 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Doctor: "You have cataract in your eyes. But you need not worry It is hereditary." Patient: "Death is also hereditary. Does it mean we should not worry about it?"
Vote: has 36.51 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor
One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?" Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Santa, elf, Christmas
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, christian, food
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
Vote: has 75.24 % from 157 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, music, celebrity
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.
Vote: has 58.58 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it. He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it. A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got the results back this morning. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, and you're positive for HIV and hepatitis." Stunned, the man asks "Well, what's next!? What are you going to do?" The doc replies: "Well, for starters, we're putting you on a strict diet of only pizza." The patient asks: "Will that really help me, doctor?" "No", the doc responds. "But it's all we can fit under the door."
Vote: has 82.93 % from 79 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
Vote: has 50.22 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, funeral
A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news." The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life." "Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?" The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Vote: has 72.60 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?" Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation." Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor