Joke #4897

Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.

What is a nigger? Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."

What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo.

Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing." The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck". The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long? A πthon.

A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?" So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned. "I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts." And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."

Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"? Billy: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' Teacher: No, that's wrong Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."

Q: Which side of a deer has the most meat? A: The inside.