How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!
I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks". How right they were.
Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing: "Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…" "What did you see?" "I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…" "Wow horror!" "Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
I saw a man with one arm shopping in a second hand store. I thought "You are never going to find here what you are looking for"...
A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’ ‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend. ‘No,’ replies the woman. ‘He wants to be cremated.’
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
Q: What does FUBU really stand for? A: Farmers used to buy us.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!" Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people." First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
Q: What is height of Suicide? A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
The judge asks the murderer: Why did you kill that old lady? For money.. But you got only 20 cents Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.