Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
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Did you hear about the blonde who was treated in the emergency room for concussion and severe head wounds?
She’d tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her.
The man in the car says to her, "What do you have in the bag?"
The blonde replies: "I have chickens!"
The man thinks for a moment and says, "If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one?"
The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, "Okay, but I'll make the bet even better! If you can guess how many chickens I have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them!"
Three women are about to be executed for crimes.
One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around.
She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde has figured out what the others did.
The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
There were once 3 blondes stranded on a deserted island, and could not think of a way to get off it.
One of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp.
Dusting it off, the genie came out.
"I will grant you each a wish," he said.
"Why not," thought the blondes.
"It's worth a try."
"I want to be the world's best swimmer," one said, "so I can swim off of the island".
She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away.
"I want to be a bird," one said, and flew away immediately.
The third and last blonde thought for a while.
"I want to be a man."
She was instantly transformed into a man, and she walked over the bridge to the mainland.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool
Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed?
A: She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.
Why does a blonde put perfume on her ankles?
Because it ends up behind her ears anyway!
There were two brothers.
One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful.
His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt.
The bad brother died.
The good brother missed him despite his ways.
Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven.
Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy.
One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there.
God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead.
The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother.
So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother.
He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment."
God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."