Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
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John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.
One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere.
Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!"
St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven."
This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time.
St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.
John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?"
"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"
Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Two bums are sitting talking.
The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever!
This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground.
So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever."
The second bum just laughs,
"That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks.
You know what I did?
I fucked her all day long."
The other bum interrupts, "Bull!
You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life."
The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?"
The other replies no.
"How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?"
To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
Vote:
A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop."
The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
Did you hear about the blonde who was treated in the emergency room for concussion and severe head wounds?
She’d tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
Once there was a magical mirror.
When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.
One day three college girls went to the mirror.
The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one."
Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.
The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one."
Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money.
Then the blonde said " I think...*poof*"
Then she suddenly dissapearred forever
How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.