Q: How do you blind a woman? A: You put a windshield in front of her.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you haven't told her twice!
Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?" Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."
In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested. Then he created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.
A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to again take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her embarrassment she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large guy who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. The went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!" The guy smiled and drawled, "Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind’a figured we were friends."
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.
Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
How is a police car like a women? It flashes and It usually has a d*ck in it.
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. "Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? Answer: Lipstick.