How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
Chuck Norris can access the internet from a walkie talkie.
In a car there are two persons: a car mechanic and a programmer. They where going to work when suddenly the car broke down. The car mechanic tries to make the car work again but no solution. Suddenly the programmer says: "I say we better FORMAT it!"
Windows: Weapon off mass destruction!
Why did the computer get cold? Because it forgot to close windows.
What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do? Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding? That’s a hardware problem!
How many service technicians does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, and he does it very well, but there is that $85 non-refundable on-site service fee to consider
Q: What's the Internet's favorite animal? A: The lynx.
What's an extroverted IT professional? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you, instead of his own.
Knock knock! Who's there? Yah! Yah who? Naaah, bro, I prefer google.