Joke #5059

How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.

In a car there are two persons: a car mechanic and a programmer. They where going to work when suddenly the car broke down. The car mechanic tries to make the car work again but no solution. Suddenly the programmer says: "I say we better FORMAT it!"

Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does. Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years. Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer. Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

I keep hitting “escape”, but I’m still here.

Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone's computer.

A customer comes into the computer store. I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging." "Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Vista?"

Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!

My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.

Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out? A: Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.