3 guys walk into a bar The first guy says "I have got the smallest arm in? the world" The second guy "I have the smallest head in the world" The third guy "I have got the smallest d*ck in the world" The 3 guys go to the Guinness World Records. The first guy comes back and says "I really do have the smallest arm in the world" The second guy comes back and says "Amazing, I do have the smallest head in the world" The third guy comes back angry " Who the F*CK is JUSTIN BEIBER?
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"