Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes.
What is a "successful hunting trip"? When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed? A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Men are like buses. They have spare tires and smell funny.