Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.
The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
An advertisement: I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones. Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Why don't men like to drink coffee at work? It keeps them awake.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...