How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game? A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
Q: What can popsicles do that men can't? A: Come in five flavors.
Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
When is the best time to bury that baby you killed? When it starts talking to you again.
Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs? A: Because when their balls fall over their a**holes, they vapor-lock.
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water? A: A soggy butt.
One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari. "Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?" "Because I feel like it." "Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari." "Whatever." So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour. Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up. "I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?" "It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."
Why do women always fart only when they go to the bathroom? They have to blow dry—and there's nothing to shake.