Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
Q: What's a polygon? A: A dead parrot.
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
How did they know that the driver had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A cherry float.
What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water.
How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower.