Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
Everyone knows the speed of light... Chuck Norris knows the speed of darkness.
Even after muting "Walker, Texas Ranger", you can still hear Chuck Norris's victims screaming after getting roundhouse kicked.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris uses flatbed trailers as roller skates.
When Chuck Norris works out, he doesn't sweat. His body cries.
Bigfoot thinks Chuck Norris is a myth
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Armageddon is defined as the day Chuck Norris gets bored with us.