A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before." The legless man shakes his head. Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before." The legless man shakes his head again. Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before." The legless man says, "No." The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me. I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Q: What did Hitler get for his birthday? A: An easy bake oven and a GI-Jew.
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.
How do you stop an Iraqi tank? "Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"